Like a warm-merry Elvis song, these last few days have been reverberating inside my head, and I can almost feel the taste on my tongue. You know, if you hold your breath underwater for far too long, you’ll at one point either want to drown or put your head out for air. This is to say that everything in life mostly comes down to having a choice. I can’t believe that I survived 2024 when every part of me saw rock-bottom from close quarters. My life has never been my own and to finally, finally be in a place where I know that I have the choice to change it, is liberating in ways I can’t explain.
I had someone tell me last night “I love you.” I think this is the first time I heard it and believed it wholeheartedly after more than a year and I swear I can’t stop thinking about it.
December is almost over and Delhi air is still hungover from warm summers. I had one of the best cups of coffee today and thought about all the poems that were left unfinished when I got my heart broken. I am, however, writing this to document how incredibly grateful I feel right at this moment. I don’t want to go on a pursuit of happiness, I want comfort, and I’ve it in abundance.
Loss sometimes takes away parts of you, that you sincerely believe you cannot live without. If you think about it, losing people is a lot like having more whiskey than you can handle. You keep wishing you hadn’t drank so much but then you start enjoying the high, and it’s a dilemma. But, I’d be lying if I say that I don’t feel empty after losing a lot of my family, and the person I was insanely in love with. But aahh, I also feel so full, and I don’t know how both can exist in the same frame. Without these events, I would’ve always sat in the corner, finding comfort in discomfort.
I am having one of the purest and prettiest endings to a dreadful year. I watched crackers burst in the sky and for once I’ll let the pseudo-environmentalist in me take a back seat and say that it was beautiful. I honestly couldn’t care less about where I go from here, but right at this freaking moment, I’m around people I care about, people I love, working on things I love, getting into a degree I’ve always wanted to get in, and I can only wish and pray that this feeling, it stays for a while.
