I’ve always wanted to be liked by everyone. So for the longest time, id gone an extra mile for strangers, friends, family, colleagues and lovers alike (or tried to.) Call it a people pleasing attitude or a fear of abandonment or kindness, if i may. Almost a year ago someone I dated briefly said to me that they don’t want to waste their time on me, to tell you the truth, i wanted to think and believe that I don’t really care and show them that they can’t get to me, that anything they say, or the world says, is of inconsequential value to me. but, am i lying or am i lying
I cried buckets. spent almost 6 months thinking about it. In other news, I think I like stealing flowers from my neighbour’s plants. This puppy that I cared for bites my ankles everyday when I leave home, but I cannot put into words the amount of joy he has brought into my life. His mom Trixxie passed away and how do I get over such a loss? I sometimes think that he is biting my ankles because he’s mad at me for not being able to save his mom. I have been reading about existential anxiety and looking at movement has worked for me — think cars moving, children running, or just, life passing by. I also think you need someone to tell you that your family and loved ones will be dead soon and you’ll spend many lonely nights sobbing — little pro tip, love your family, friends and lovers as obsessively and as dearly as you can when you have the time, while they’re still here. Pick up maa’s call during lunch breaks and give her your two minutes. I turned twenty five four months ago, and in all these years, if i’ve learnt anything about life, if anything at all, it is to love insanely — people, work, pets, plants, yourself. the world is capable of taking everything away from you, every. single. thing. through politics, religion, death, sickness, everything, except, your love and kindness.
and like they say — better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Rest easy Trixxie. Thank you for all the joys. I hope you meet all your babies who left too soon. You were the best mama.
